No it's not an external problems where you have always caught in dramas or movies such as a big fight between parents and children,teenagers fleeing from house and whatnot.
This is about internal conflicts.Between my siblings and my mom.
My mom has been a stern and keeping the habit of nagging to her children for years.
She even did that to my late daddy.Nagging has becAme part of herself.
It's not always a constructive-type of nagging,but it's a stressful ones.Moreover,most of us have turned into adults already,except me,where I'm still a 20 y/o girl,but ahh only a year to legalise me as an adult according to the Law of Malaysia.Ok2 the point is,all of us are grown ups.We become stress more easily and we certainly abhor to be treated like a child,toddler,kids and anything pertaining to that.
Instead,Grown ups like us prefer to sit down,and talk heart-to-heart.Make a discussion!And of course,allow everybody to express their opinion.
But I'm sure in Malay culture,we hardly find any Malay family to do that,huh?
or maybe all family,regardless of any race included?pfftt.
ok,seriously,I do not know any regular or effective custom of how to talk and sit as a family because all I know is the children have to bear with their parent's behaviour,furthermore when they have gotten old,above 50 y/o to be precise.
But in my case,it is rather special and harder to handle.I'm confused,seriously.Coz I have this one friend of mine,whose mother is of the same age with mine and whose father is way way wayyyy older than my mom,and my dad too if he's still alive!But,I don't see any problems between their family.She's very close to her mom ok!well,she's not so close w her father but from what I heard,they are okay together.Maybe there still are some little problems but I'm sure it's not a complex one like mine.
Back to my family,I know the older we get,the stranger the feeling we have towards our family members.Moreover if we have been apart for quite frequently i.e our sis or bro used to enter into boarding school,university lalala...We somehow lose the touch and knowing each other better.Or on a more serious part,we don't find family as our first resource to turn to when we have problems or share our happiness.Instead,we find our friends or anyone besides the family to do that.How sad is that huh?
Currently,I live with my sister,2nd elder bro n mom.My eldest sis is staying at Sabah w her hubby and baby,while my eldest bro is still abroad,studying engineering.
My 2nd sis that I'm living w now is in the process of divorce w her husband.I pity her a lot coz her hubby had been hitting her and she's a second wife to him.She''s now living w us and she's working as a teacher but she doesn't earn much.She has to pay for some of the house bills,legal fees and for her car etc.
I had a big fight w her previously.We didn't talk for weeks,but yeah finally we were ok.But one thing I realise is that after that fight,we could no longer enjoy this heart-to-heart conversation as sis.I'm scared if I hurt her feelings again,coz if it happens again,I just don't know how long it'd take for us to be good back.In other words,after that big fight,we have this INTERNAL GAP that I don't know whether could be fixed or not.
That's my sis.Now,my mom.
In my childhood years and early teenage years,I was quite an obedient child,meaning to say I'd get scared if my mom scold me and had always listened to her.Then,when I turned 16-17 like that,I became bolder to go against her words.I had always fought back whenever she scold me.That went on until I was 18,I guess.Then,I successfully changed.After Raya Haji last year I guess.I could control myself better now.I rarely fought back.But,I still make faces when she scold me.But it's my nature,I can't control them..
The thing w my mother is,She is used to nagging.It has became more obvious after she had her menopause.She doesn't have the shame of scolding us in front of our relatives,and she's being very sensitive about typical and small things like 'salam';She gets so furious if we don't make 'salam' w our relatives.and the list goes on...
It's kind of sickening,really to cope with her behaviour.It's very2 hard.Even my aunties and uncles notice about her behaviour.It's kind of touch my heart when they understand.Some expressly did so,but most of them impliedly do so.I could see from their facial expression that they are not happy or comfortable w my mom's behaviour.
I wish I could just tell them SORRY but I'm sure they understand better.Coz,this is just out of my control.
This does not happen to me alone.All my siblings receive the same treatment.We do not know what else to do.I think this is also one of the reasons why I can't be close to my other siblings as well.I rarely talk to my siblings,frankly.I keep things within myself.I handle pressure,hardship alone.why?Coz I just don't know who to turn to.We have never been taught to console and comfort each other,which should have been done by our own mother.But she never did so nor showed us how.I can't blame my sisters or brothers coz we come from the same mother.hmm
I'm sorry if I kind of blame my mom alone.Sorry Ya Allah.But,personally to heal this problem of internal conflicts between my family,we need a leader to do so.Obviously,the leader should be my mom,coz everything must go to her first.She decides everything.But tell me now,how is that possible if she keeps up w that kind of behaviour?Impossible right..Even if we were to ask her to change,it's very hard.She's getting older and could impossibly change what she is now...
How I wish I could turn back time and make my mom realise this so that she could change her behaviour and keep up with a better one when she gets old.But it's too late now..
I realise too this problem might also be due to our sinful acts.Maybe Allah is giving us tarbiyah through this test.For now,I could just ask forgiveness from HIM on my part and pray that He shall open the hearts of my family members to repent together for any sinful acts that we have committed all this while.I hope HE listens to my prayer and put this problem to its end,soon.
I love my family,I want to feel that feeling back;the feeling where MY FAMILY IS MY NUMBER 1 FOR ME,MY FAMILY IS EVERYTHING TO ME AND MY FAMILY IS MY DUNYA AND AKHIRAH TO ME.I want that feeling back please Ya Allah....
If You wouldn't change the situation,please change the way I react and respond towards them;in a more positive way.Make me stronger and wiser to handle this Ya Allah...
I hope in the future,you'd grant a good husband and good kids for me,if time permits.And more importantly,let me make my mom's behaviour as a great lesson to me in order to become a better wife and mom soon..amin
FORGIVE ME AND MY FAMILY MEMBERS YA ALLAH.....:(
AMINYARABBALALAMIN...
No comments:
Post a Comment