Love love love

Wow...such a 'strong' title to begin your catch ups with eh,khadijah?ehheee
Well,what's life without love right?and by love,I mean..yes2 the mainstream topic of love.....the male-female kinda love thing....*insert love emoticon*

This is supposed to be a sad-theme post but I dunno why I got all happy at the beginning of my post eh?haha....

Just like any other people who is broken-hearted,I was sad of course...like terribly sad that my love story didn't go as I wish...the agony of loss is just ahhh...indescribable.but time heals everything...really,and now I'm starting to be able to accept the fact that jodoh and anything pertaining to that is all in Allah's hand....as a mere weak servant,I have no power to control that...so alhamdulillah I've began to accept this qadar as part of Allah's greatest feature...subhanallah :')

So,what do I actually want to rant here,on my failed relationship?

Well,a few important things for my future reference one day...who knows I might want to revisit the days I've been broken,torn an shattered so that I may stand strong again as the saying goes experience is the best teacher? :) may this be useful one day...insyaAllah.ok let's start

1.find someone that will accept you for who you are
In relationship,things wont always be easy...so it's crucial to find someone who accepts the good and bad side of yours....yes,both!in my case,there are few disagreements between me and the guy that actually made things didn't work out...not a simple one I tell yah..it's the basic and fundamental feature of rship that made things went rough between us....thus...if u can't accept him for who he is and vice versa no matter how hard you try,let him go.That,itself may sound a bit hard.But come to think of it,if both of u cant even agree on the basic things,what makes u think you can go on with the more complex ones?:)

2.dont fall in love too quickly
Haha...this is a bit funny and strange coz sometimes we dont plan when to fall,dont we?but as funny as it sounds,if possible,dont do that...no matter how good a person may seem to u,it takes more than his good features to really know if he's the one...you need to know the other side of his too i.e.his bad sides..this is  important so as to balance both partie's weaknesses out...isnt relationship supposed to make both of u complement each other?so withhold your feelings first....it is afraid that if you fall in love too quickly,especially if you fell hard,you wont be able to reverse after knowing bout his dark sides..making u feel guilty and at the same time torn in between letting go and to stay.yes,thats the power of love,it justifies everything...but without us realising,it also drowns us to our own stupidity...which is not good,isn't it?

3.accept the fact that everything is in Allah's plan
Actually tbh,I'm not really advocating for dating before marriage...not totally coz my religion forbids it(hmmm.. I'm not that alim esp when it comes to this)but because I think both lovebirds are just wasting their time getting to know each other,UNLESS you guys are already on your way of getting married where preparations are already underway...and this is much more relevant when you guys have declared yourselves as an item since highschool...or at any moment where both of you are still not committed to marriage,yet....

In my case however,it was really an unplanned one...after my first rship failed,I never thought of having a replacement...I was being single for almost 2-3 years! So how did i get hooked to him?actually we started as mere friends...but after sometimes, the feelings developed..yea it was entirely my mistake though..I shouldnt be entertaining him to that extent....but he was so nice as a guy and a friend at the beginning that it made me think that we wont go that far....emmmm..so much for a trick of shaytan and nafs eh?

But how great Allah plan is...I guess Allah loves me....loves me more than anyone else does..including the guy..haha..so it turned out after 1 year of rship,it didnt work....it's hard to swallow the truth...I've never been through such a hard time letting someone go from my life.He finally decided to break up with me..on the basis that he's not ready to be in a serious rship where he needs to commit...yes,after one year being together,he made that sudden,unexpected decision.it was a painful truth for me and I have to admit that I really love the guy and our rship...but later it made me realize that relationship is just as superficial as anything that is tempting in this world...you'd never feel suffice and that's where the pain lies.there's no such thing as this drama-exemplified kind of love...even if it does,it will hurt you even if it does,it will hurt you,eventually.

Interestingly,after breaking up,there were attempts to reconcile..initiated by him,twice(haa kau 2 kali).....but to no avail...hmmm.for the second attempt,it only survived til nego process..haha...coz I just didnt feel that we would work out :(

After the final attempt failed too,It was realllyyyyy harddddd to move on
I tell yah just as hard as my first time breaking up with him..I tried many things....including the ultimate way;du'a..but it didn't really work for me though...and I began to get worried if I'd end up not be able to move on even after yearsss ;(((((

But little that I know....Allah really3  indeed loves me.....as being said in the quran..your Lord has never forsaken you :')I began to rethink on how i actually made the du'a..ahh,so ashamed with myself for i didnt do it sincerely and for not really putting my whole trust in Allah :'(from that moment nd I began to take my Du'a seriously....I also came across one islamic article on this...written in a fiction manner where a guy said to his heartbroken friend that "all this while,while holding on to the past memories of you and the girl,you have actually poisoned your heart with this dunya,do u realise that?come,let's return to Allah...it's pointless holding on to things that Allah despises"

Inspired by that story,I regained my strength..subhanallah..I found the cure to my ill heart-I've been drawing myself further from my creator without realising that I have actually poisoned,wrecked and damaged my heart with my own hands...it's my fault...all along it's my own fault....ahhh what have I been!

Since that moment,I started to reflect on what have I been feeding my heart and mind with...astaghfirullah..I'm so ashamed to even think of it...

But what happened in the past stays in the past..u cant undo the damage you have done...you can only pray hard so that Allah would forgive your past sins.I'm beyond glad that Allah has finally opened my heart to repent and what makes it more special is it happens during ramadhan :')

As of now,the only thing I hope is,Allah will make me among the steadfast....this failed rship has became one of the pushing factors for me to change and to make a hijrah of myself....but of course my focus is not because to move on solely,instead ultimately because I want to please Allah....

I'm still in the beginning process though.I'd like to learn from a murabbi...to keep a good company since this may not be easy especially when you just get started.But I must say the happiness that I'm feeling now is just beyond words to describe...there's an indescribable feeling you'd get when you unattach your heart from thedunya...subhanallah....

I also hope the guy wont come back for me coz it hurts to know someone is still giving you hope where at the same time,you don't even know if he is serious about it or not.well I'm not being hateful or whatnot....yes if there's jodoh,siapa lah saya nk tolak kan..I dont wanna boast off nor being so over-confident..but neither I'm putting a high hope too.The only thing I'm praying and looking forward to now is that the right guy would come at the right moment and must possess the same goal in life with me ; to please Allah...to help each other to be close to Him..ameen

Nevertheless,after what had happened,I pray that i and him would be granted with happiness,albeit not being together..Allah surely knows best,isn't it?:')

So emmm....that's basically what happened to me recently...I've written so lengthy already...phewww...hehe....so yeah..I guess thats all for today..

Happy Ramadhan Khadijah!:')

My first hi in 2014!hehe

Wehhh lama tak datang sini...haha...
I think this is my first 2014 post ever....*round of applause* *strumming guitar string* *drum rolls* (amboi jah byk beno mukadimah)

Okok..let's get straight to the post.
So what actually made u turn up after yearss(hiperbola la skit),landlord??

Emmmm...hehehe

Well,it's for the very sole reason of this:I miss writing so much...like so mucho mucho much..

I think I've had a seriyes prob of not being able to come up with a creative writing piece despite the fact that I am a law student(ada kaitan kerrr..) ehehehe yeah sort of la!I read a lot..n write a lot too..but then I suck at creative writing...so that's kind of a waste laa..coz supposedly you must be getting better at it..plus with the fact that u are a uni student already..you know you sorta need to get the hang of writing impeccably...yeah!

So emm.basically,I come back for the sole purpose(for the time being) of improving my writing skills...altho I intend to make my blog private,but yeah at least I could pour something out..here...since I'm no good with my handwriting..like eww buruk kotzz(read;malas tulis tgn..ehhe...)Yes,I know for a fact that to make u better at anything,get someone to supervise you...but emm..later la wahahaha...

So emmm I actually have lotsa things to tell...yela elok la lama sgt kot hilang mehehehe...but let's do one by one and slowly wokies?dun rush into anything hehehe....

So yeah...for a fresh start..I mean for the year of 2014,this is it!kita story mory later la nohh?wehooo....toodles!

As i'm writing this, i'm already 21 years old

Hey blog.It's been quite while doesn't it?
well i can't seem to put my commitment into blogging for the past few months because of my tight schedule as a student.
no kidding, it really was one helluva semester for me as a law student in IIUM.
I'm only in my second year and now that it already ended, you could imagine how my life would be as I commence my third year soon?haha.

Well let's talk about me being a 21 year-old lady.ehem.
I reached my 21 year of age 11 days ago.So yeah, again it still is not a big number for me,which means, it does not matter to me.But yea sometimes I do feel that I'm getting older, that I need to think differently, and need to be more serious about my life now.haha...I dont know why sometimes I get all serious about this.

But hey, legally speaking, you are an adult already Khadijah ,do you know that?
You maynow  make decisions on your own, and basically you are accountable for all the things you're doing.
That highlights how significant that 21 year of age is to you, my dear!gosh ;p

Be that as it may, as unpleasant as it sounds, I'm just gonna follow the flow.I believe, you would mould yourself naturally according to your age coz logically speaking, as you turn older, you'll face different challenges,people and etc.It happens accordingly to your age.So, no stress haha

okay then.thats all for now.I have too much to say actually but I dont want to make things long-winded.lets confine them into one topic only at one time ok.so,bye2 :)

selected articles :)

They say I’m a dreamer….are you a dreamer too?

As someone who has just recently started blogging, I find that I often have to think about what to write next.This can often be a challenge, but the one thing that makes it easier is that I see opportunities in everyday events (phew!). For example, I was buying jeans at the Levi’s store the other day, and as I was standing at the till, I noticed that the young man helping me out had a very interesting tatoo on his arm. The tatoo was a sentence, written in dark in that read “they say I’m a dreamer….”
I looked up at him and asked, “so what do you dream about?” He gave me the biggest smile and said “well, anything and everything really. I think about all the things I want to do in my life. It makes me feel good.” I asked him about why he had the words written on his arm and he told me that these words from John Lennon have always inspired him. He told me that the words serve as a reminder for him to keep dreaming his dreams. He said that they were always with him, and so he felt pretty optimistic about the future.


I wonder if you have ever lost sight of a goal or dream. What did you really want to do once upon a time, that you haven’t thought about for a long time? I can tell you about a goal i’ve had that comes and goes in this way. It is something simple, and when I think about it, I really want to do it, and then some time goes by and it gets lost in all the life stuff. I’ve wanted to learn how to ride a bicycle for years! I’m just remembering this now as I write this….

You may have been working on a particular goal recently (such as losing weight, writing an article, or improving your exercise regimen). One may find that they are on track, and then suddenly something happens and everything goes topsy turvy. Those are the times when it can be difficult to get back to where you were. Having small reminders to help us along the way can serve a valuable purpose. You don’t have to go as far as placing a tatoo on your arm, but it is useful to have visual reminders so that you don’t have to think of doing something extra. Use a reminder that once placed, is an instant trigger that brings you towards your goal. Here are a couple of ideas:

Put up a poster or a picture that inspires you
Write post-it notes and put them up near your desk, on your fridge, on the bathroom mirror
Write a few words, or a statement that will motivate you to act.
Use the homescreen on your phone or your computer.

The type of reminders you use should be personal to you. If you try something and it doesn’t really “do anything” for you, then go ahead and try something different. Use a different picture or words until you get something that really feels right for the task you have at hand. Remember that building a new habit takes time so reminding yourself to stay on track can make all the difference! 

credit to :makelifehappen

blabbers on money

yes you read that.
I'm gonna blabber2 like there's no tomorrow about money for this post.
huaaaaaaaaaa sound so emotional lah kan?period ka?pfftt

Money money money oh money.
I'm a no employee nor anybody's breadwinner yet I sound like I'm earning some money for someone else kan?
haha.sah!memang emo tak bertempat aku ni.

But whether I'm yet to earn or not,I think life is fair enough to let me face this prob which I'm sure everyone else does too,especially to those who's having a family to take care of or to those who live in poverty (May Allah ease your burden and grant you strength to face the hardship).

Although I'm still studying and all I have to think of is to get good grades and in financial matters, I just have to focus on myself, but reality bites hokay!Ok, let's focus this blabber(errkk) on money.Let's see what (usually) a student in university or college does when money is in their hand,dayyum

1.Settle the tuition&hostel fees-excluding those whom are sponsored by their parents
2.Buy books and stationaries
3.Buy their own meals
4.Reload for prepaid!-excluding those who subscribe to any data plan,and usually this monthly bill is sponsored by parents too!
5.Shopping,hang out,movies blablabla

Ok this is the general expenditure that a University/College student has,although each point varies to certain degrees,according to their own pocket money and other factors like the cost living of the place they live in.

But however good your financial planning is, sometimes it puts your life on the brink,doesn't it?I had been in that situation, but err am not sure for how many times,haha.All I could say is it's pretty hard and unhappy.Moreover when you live in a city!woah the temptation is just so irresistable  for you to have fun whenever weekend arrives, and not to mention if you've had a hard time battling with the tough, stressful lectures and assignments-.-

So I think of all points, number 5 seems to give us headache the most,isn't it?haha.irony betul.Number 5 is supposed to let you loose yourself from the hustle and bustle of your daily life as a student, but the reality is ,sometimes it is not!haha *cryyyy*

Because more often than not, we have to admit that the prob that always comes our way when we want to berjoli is money,kan?

It hurts to know that that you have to control your nafsu when it's at its peak(erkk ayat kau) because of money.Moreover if you come from a family yang tak berapa senang or family that leads a moderate life.

As in my situation(so here's the real story lah sebenarnya hikhok), number 5 tu lah yang menyedeihkan ohohohoh :(

I'm planning to buy a digital camera, and the budget must not be(yeah, i've decided this affirmatively)  RM800.At the same time, I'm planning to buy an external hard disk.

For the digi cam, I personally think it is quite important,coz in my family, no oe owns a camera T_T.okla2 my eldest sis owns one, but that's hers, and for god's sake she has her own family now that she doesn't live with us.So takkan nak menyibuk kamera orang kot....

Plus, i love taking pictures.And, if i were to do that with my handphone, oh boy I just own a blackberry 9300,with only 2mp camera and no flash, to add up.Pathetic yessss I know that

As for the external hard disk, I think I need it too,for the sake of my laptop's longevity.It's only a netbook and I can't simply store everything from pictures(loads of them) and movies coz that would affect the performance of my netbook ; slow , easily hung :((

So to put it simply i need these two which will cost me roughly RM1000

So let's take a look at the money in hand emm

rm 50000-rm1165 of tuition and hostel fees= RM 3800++

So that would be the balance.

I know it suffices.And the budget I've provided to buy those gadgets is just I know (personally) rationale enough.

But the problem is I'm quite reluctant.huaaaaaaaa.

conclusion : It's a mixed feelings of spending on things that not only you've ever wanted but needed!dayyum.

kbye.enough babbling.

berubah,berhijrah

Minggu lepas adalah minggu yang agak istimewa bagi aku.
Istimewa bukan kerana ada sambutan khas untuk aku atau dapat hadiah ke.
Istimewa sebab aku rasa dekat dengan agama.

Minggu lepas aku uzur,tak solat.tapi alhamdulillah,aku isi masa aku dengan aktiviti yang berfaedah sebagai pengisian rohani.For the first time in my life, I listened to a video-recorded talk by Mufti Menk.
Sebelum ni pernah download talk by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf,tapi aku tak dengar pong.huhu.
Bila aku tak bukak video tu,aku rasa aku  ni belum ready untuk dengar lagi kot talk2 melalui youtube ni,or aku tak minat.

Tapi aku silap.Last week has changed everything.Alhamdulillah.Memang ini yang aku tunggu2 pun sebenarnya.Sebab?Aku memang dah lama nak diri aku ni lebih 'prone' kepada benda2 mcm ni bila surf internet.I don't want to make internet to be everything about entertainment,twitter,blog and etc.I want more than that.Yang boleh membina rohani dan intelektual aku.Barulah bermanfaat.

Jadi let's cut to the chase je lah k?
Sebenarnya,istimewanya minggu lepas adalah kerana apa yang aku lakukan minggu lepas dah buat aku percaya,yang manusia ni boleh berubah,dengan izin Allah.Tapi firstly,kenelah ada keinginan tu dulu,coz Hidayah tak datang bergolek.

Bila dah terfikir pasal nak berubah2 ni,aku pun rasa teruja.But of course I don't want to be hasty to make such a big 'U-turn'(u-turn kepada fitrah manusia).Sebab Allah sendiri pernah berfirman jangan terburu2 dalam melakukan sesuatu.

Dan benarlah,besar hikmahnya ayat Allah itu.Why?iman manusia ni cepat naik,cepat turun.Hati juga senang berbolak balik.
Bila kita diuji,tiba2 rasa dekat kepada agama tu boleh hilang sekejap je kan?Tambah2 lagi syaitan and nafsu dah standby awal2 nak jatuhkan kita.Astaghfirullahalazim...

Benda ni buat aku terfikir.Kenapa jadi macam ni?Kenapa Allah tak teguhkan hati aku supaya kukuh atas jalan ni....

Lama jugak baru aku dapat jawapannya.
Aku yakin 80% ini adalah sebahagian daripada jawapannya,InsyaAllah.

1.Aku tak istiqamah dalam menjauhkan diri daripada benda2 lagha.
Benda ni nampak kecil,tapi bila dah dibiasakan,hati akan jadi lemah,nafsu pun begitu

2.Aku terlupa agaknya,nak berubah,kena cari environment yang betul,guru atau pembimbing.Tapi aku kat mana?Kat rumah.Siapa je kat rumah ni yang nak ajak aku buat kebaikan,emm maksud aku nk mendekatkan diri kepada Allah?....

Untuk reason no. 2 tu,aku tak bermaksud kita tak boleh berubah langsung kalau kita tak berada di tempat yang betul.Cumanya,perubahan tu mungkin akan mengambil masa dan barangkali akan terbantut dan sukar.Meh bagi analogi lah senang; Kalau kita bawak kereta yang pancit tayarnya dan enjin pun tak berapa nak elok,agak2 sampai tak kita ke destinasi yang ingin dituju?Jawapannya,mungkin ya,mungkin tidak.Ada kebarangkalian sampai,tapi mungkin agak lambat dan penuh dengan kepayahan.Mungkin juga tak sampai!Sebab tayar betul2 pancit dan enjin betul2 mati di pertengahan jalan.

Konklusinya di sini,
Aku berazam dan berdoa agar Allah bagi peluang untuk aku berubah i.e panjangkanlah umurku,Aminnn
For that, Aku berdoa Allah permudahkan rezeki aku dalam bentuk kewangan dan lain2(kesihatan,kelapangan etc) so that aku boleh beli kereta sendiri satu masa nanti(dalam masa terdekat,after graduate ke) supaya aku boleh keluar dari rumah ni pergi majlis ilmu sendiri.Takyah la nak susahkan family aku,kan.Lgaipun tiada siapa dalam rumah ni yg berpotensi(setakat ni) yang aku tengok boleh ajar agama kat aku.Lepas tu, duit yang aku ada tu juga bolehla pergi mana2 seminar keagamaan ke dan pergi kelas2 agama.Boleh timba ilmu,insyaALLAH

Impian aku yang paling besar,InsyaALLAH, aku harap aku boleh keluar dari rumah ni (apa2 cara lah,ALLAH lebih tahu e.g kahwin, sambung belajar,bekerja etc) so that aku boleh cari environment yg lebih baik untuk aku berubah.Kemudian,aku nak preach to all my family members untuk berubah sekali ke arah yg lebih baik.Aminnnnnn


That's all for now.Toodles :)

ramadhan ends,i'dulfitri ensues

hye blog, sorry for the long hiatus.
Alhamdulillah, after a month of fasting, i'dulfitri has finally arrived.
But it's a no doubt that I've missed Ramadhan already..hmm
Fret not, let's enjoy our hari raya first, shall we? :)

This time. I'm gonna do a recount on my Ramadhan.
This is something really helpful I guess, for me to do some revision in the next Ramadhan, InsyaAllah.
So,let's start!

Before Ramadhan even started, I've made myself a list on what I want to achieve during that holy month.
It wasn't really long but yeah at least I wrote them down so as to not let them slip my mind.

Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.
I'd say, it's a waste of time for making the list.
I think I did not really achieve my goals.

What are they?
Some of them ; Qiamullail.
I really want to make the practice of Qiamullail a regular one, but I only did them 2-3 times maybe?
huh,what an achievement right?

I thought Ramadhan would ease our action of turning intention into action,but naaahhhh.
It's just the same.
The same restraints, minus one-Syaitan are still there : Nafs, lack of motivation, lack of knowledge and etc.

And one more of course : Lailatul Qadr.

But after it ends,all these make me think.
Why wouldn't Allah let me become one of the successful 'graduate' of Ramadhan?I mean I have the intention and I did even make a list for that!See how determined was I?

Oh how immature was I to think like that!
Although it's a holy month, it does not guarantee that you'll turn angelic or a god-conscious person.
If so, woahhh I think there's no need for us to do all the ibadah(s) in other months.pfftt!

Few days before last 10 nights approached, I read a blog of Ustaz Pahrol on Lailatul Qadr.
He wrote that Lailatul Qadr is a night, better yet than a 1000 months.So it means, it's a very special one.
Whoever gets to find the night (solat, dua' and etc) is a really lucky one.And that lucky person must be ( logically) someone who has prepared for that night for months, or even years!Preparing for that night
means that he has really changed into a better person.he observes his deeds well, and of course he has used to qiamullail long before Ramadhan.

He said further that, when a person found Lailatul Qadr, that night would turn him into a btter person that he is before( if Allah accepts his prayer)- well he has no authorities for this, but hey think logically,a very special person to find Lailatul Qadr kot!

Take a note with the word logically.
Why did I say so?
Coz Lailatul Qadr resembles a gift from Allah to his servants.
It comes 1 time per year and during when He locks up our enemy : Syaitan.
The night is very special.
So it deserves to be found by special people.A god-conscious people.right?
Except for those who is chosen by him to receive His Hidayah, then that's a different story after all-This is Magically, not so logically.hehs

So when i make a reflection of myself, I understand why.
I rarely get up for qiamullail,and it becomes more obvious  when i start doing my LLB(uh i dunno why, supposedly I'd have done that more often right?)
So now I'm hoping for that to happen on Ramadhan?shesshhhhh

Plus, I've heard an athar from Ibn Masu'd saying that ; Maksiat ( bad deeds) refrain you from getting up for Qiamullail.

Such an eye-opener.

Have i done much to refrain from doing bad deeds all this while?
...................................................................................................


But yeah, despite of this failure, Allah is really Al-a'dl!

He opens my eyes, and heart( hope so) to realise all these!
It's a great tarbiyyah from Him, a priceless one!
Motivates me to do better in my investment for Akhira!

He has showed to me too, that I'd have to take small steps before taking up the larger one.
If I couldn't succeed with the simple ones, why bother with the complex one?

More importantly, I realise this at my young age of 20, where legally speaking I've received my prudence in thinking.So I hope this is not just something that crosses my mind.I'd have to make full use of this tarbiyyah.
Insya Allah!I want to be a better muslimah, in all aspects.And if He wills, I want to do better for the next Ramadhan,ameen