Love love love

Wow...such a 'strong' title to begin your catch ups with eh,khadijah?ehheee
Well,what's life without love right?and by love,I mean..yes2 the mainstream topic of love.....the male-female kinda love thing....*insert love emoticon*

This is supposed to be a sad-theme post but I dunno why I got all happy at the beginning of my post eh?haha....

Just like any other people who is broken-hearted,I was sad of course...like terribly sad that my love story didn't go as I wish...the agony of loss is just ahhh...indescribable.but time heals everything...really,and now I'm starting to be able to accept the fact that jodoh and anything pertaining to that is all in Allah's hand....as a mere weak servant,I have no power to control that...so alhamdulillah I've began to accept this qadar as part of Allah's greatest feature...subhanallah :')

So,what do I actually want to rant here,on my failed relationship?

Well,a few important things for my future reference one day...who knows I might want to revisit the days I've been broken,torn an shattered so that I may stand strong again as the saying goes experience is the best teacher? :) may this be useful one day...insyaAllah.ok let's start

1.find someone that will accept you for who you are
In relationship,things wont always be easy...so it's crucial to find someone who accepts the good and bad side of yours....yes,both!in my case,there are few disagreements between me and the guy that actually made things didn't work out...not a simple one I tell yah..it's the basic and fundamental feature of rship that made things went rough between us....thus...if u can't accept him for who he is and vice versa no matter how hard you try,let him go.That,itself may sound a bit hard.But come to think of it,if both of u cant even agree on the basic things,what makes u think you can go on with the more complex ones?:)

2.dont fall in love too quickly
Haha...this is a bit funny and strange coz sometimes we dont plan when to fall,dont we?but as funny as it sounds,if possible,dont do that...no matter how good a person may seem to u,it takes more than his good features to really know if he's the one...you need to know the other side of his too i.e.his bad sides..this is  important so as to balance both partie's weaknesses out...isnt relationship supposed to make both of u complement each other?so withhold your feelings first....it is afraid that if you fall in love too quickly,especially if you fell hard,you wont be able to reverse after knowing bout his dark sides..making u feel guilty and at the same time torn in between letting go and to stay.yes,thats the power of love,it justifies everything...but without us realising,it also drowns us to our own stupidity...which is not good,isn't it?

3.accept the fact that everything is in Allah's plan
Actually tbh,I'm not really advocating for dating before marriage...not totally coz my religion forbids it(hmmm.. I'm not that alim esp when it comes to this)but because I think both lovebirds are just wasting their time getting to know each other,UNLESS you guys are already on your way of getting married where preparations are already underway...and this is much more relevant when you guys have declared yourselves as an item since highschool...or at any moment where both of you are still not committed to marriage,yet....

In my case however,it was really an unplanned one...after my first rship failed,I never thought of having a replacement...I was being single for almost 2-3 years! So how did i get hooked to him?actually we started as mere friends...but after sometimes, the feelings developed..yea it was entirely my mistake though..I shouldnt be entertaining him to that extent....but he was so nice as a guy and a friend at the beginning that it made me think that we wont go that far....emmmm..so much for a trick of shaytan and nafs eh?

But how great Allah plan is...I guess Allah loves me....loves me more than anyone else does..including the guy..haha..so it turned out after 1 year of rship,it didnt work....it's hard to swallow the truth...I've never been through such a hard time letting someone go from my life.He finally decided to break up with me..on the basis that he's not ready to be in a serious rship where he needs to commit...yes,after one year being together,he made that sudden,unexpected decision.it was a painful truth for me and I have to admit that I really love the guy and our rship...but later it made me realize that relationship is just as superficial as anything that is tempting in this world...you'd never feel suffice and that's where the pain lies.there's no such thing as this drama-exemplified kind of love...even if it does,it will hurt you even if it does,it will hurt you,eventually.

Interestingly,after breaking up,there were attempts to reconcile..initiated by him,twice(haa kau 2 kali).....but to no avail...hmmm.for the second attempt,it only survived til nego process..haha...coz I just didnt feel that we would work out :(

After the final attempt failed too,It was realllyyyyy harddddd to move on
I tell yah just as hard as my first time breaking up with him..I tried many things....including the ultimate way;du'a..but it didn't really work for me though...and I began to get worried if I'd end up not be able to move on even after yearsss ;(((((

But little that I know....Allah really3  indeed loves me.....as being said in the quran..your Lord has never forsaken you :')I began to rethink on how i actually made the du'a..ahh,so ashamed with myself for i didnt do it sincerely and for not really putting my whole trust in Allah :'(from that moment nd I began to take my Du'a seriously....I also came across one islamic article on this...written in a fiction manner where a guy said to his heartbroken friend that "all this while,while holding on to the past memories of you and the girl,you have actually poisoned your heart with this dunya,do u realise that?come,let's return to Allah...it's pointless holding on to things that Allah despises"

Inspired by that story,I regained my strength..subhanallah..I found the cure to my ill heart-I've been drawing myself further from my creator without realising that I have actually poisoned,wrecked and damaged my heart with my own hands...it's my fault...all along it's my own fault....ahhh what have I been!

Since that moment,I started to reflect on what have I been feeding my heart and mind with...astaghfirullah..I'm so ashamed to even think of it...

But what happened in the past stays in the past..u cant undo the damage you have done...you can only pray hard so that Allah would forgive your past sins.I'm beyond glad that Allah has finally opened my heart to repent and what makes it more special is it happens during ramadhan :')

As of now,the only thing I hope is,Allah will make me among the steadfast....this failed rship has became one of the pushing factors for me to change and to make a hijrah of myself....but of course my focus is not because to move on solely,instead ultimately because I want to please Allah....

I'm still in the beginning process though.I'd like to learn from a murabbi...to keep a good company since this may not be easy especially when you just get started.But I must say the happiness that I'm feeling now is just beyond words to describe...there's an indescribable feeling you'd get when you unattach your heart from thedunya...subhanallah....

I also hope the guy wont come back for me coz it hurts to know someone is still giving you hope where at the same time,you don't even know if he is serious about it or not.well I'm not being hateful or whatnot....yes if there's jodoh,siapa lah saya nk tolak kan..I dont wanna boast off nor being so over-confident..but neither I'm putting a high hope too.The only thing I'm praying and looking forward to now is that the right guy would come at the right moment and must possess the same goal in life with me ; to please Allah...to help each other to be close to Him..ameen

Nevertheless,after what had happened,I pray that i and him would be granted with happiness,albeit not being together..Allah surely knows best,isn't it?:')

So emmm....that's basically what happened to me recently...I've written so lengthy already...phewww...hehe....so yeah..I guess thats all for today..

Happy Ramadhan Khadijah!:')