Alhamdulillah, after a month of fasting, i'dulfitri has finally arrived.
But it's a no doubt that I've missed Ramadhan already..hmm
Fret not, let's enjoy our hari raya first, shall we? :)
This time. I'm gonna do a recount on my Ramadhan.
This is something really helpful I guess, for me to do some revision in the next Ramadhan, InsyaAllah.
So,let's start!
Before Ramadhan even started, I've made myself a list on what I want to achieve during that holy month.
It wasn't really long but yeah at least I wrote them down so as to not let them slip my mind.
Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.
I'd say, it's a waste of time for making the list.
I think I did not really achieve my goals.
What are they?
Some of them ; Qiamullail.
I really want to make the practice of Qiamullail a regular one, but I only did them 2-3 times maybe?
huh,what an achievement right?
I thought Ramadhan would ease our action of turning intention into action,but naaahhhh.
It's just the same.
The same restraints, minus one-Syaitan are still there : Nafs, lack of motivation, lack of knowledge and etc.
And one more of course : Lailatul Qadr.
But after it ends,all these make me think.
Why wouldn't Allah let me become one of the successful 'graduate' of Ramadhan?I mean I have the intention and I did even make a list for that!See how determined was I?
Oh how immature was I to think like that!
Although it's a holy month, it does not guarantee that you'll turn angelic or a god-conscious person.
If so, woahhh I think there's no need for us to do all the ibadah(s) in other months.pfftt!
Few days before last 10 nights approached, I read a blog of Ustaz Pahrol on Lailatul Qadr.
He wrote that Lailatul Qadr is a night, better yet than a 1000 months.So it means, it's a very special one.
Whoever gets to find the night (solat, dua' and etc) is a really lucky one.And that lucky person must be ( logically) someone who has prepared for that night for months, or even years!Preparing for that night
means that he has really changed into a better person.he observes his deeds well, and of course he has used to qiamullail long before Ramadhan.
He said further that, when a person found Lailatul Qadr, that night would turn him into a btter person that he is before( if Allah accepts his prayer)- well he has no authorities for this, but hey think logically,a very special person to find Lailatul Qadr kot!
Take a note with the word logically.
Why did I say so?
Coz Lailatul Qadr resembles a gift from Allah to his servants.
It comes 1 time per year and during when He locks up our enemy : Syaitan.
The night is very special.
So it deserves to be found by special people.A god-conscious people.right?
Except for those who is chosen by him to receive His Hidayah, then that's a different story after all-This is Magically, not so logically.hehs
So when i make a reflection of myself, I understand why.
I rarely get up for qiamullail,and it becomes more obvious when i start doing my LLB(uh i dunno why, supposedly I'd have done that more often right?)
So now I'm hoping for that to happen on Ramadhan?shesshhhhh
Plus, I've heard an athar from Ibn Masu'd saying that ; Maksiat ( bad deeds) refrain you from getting up for Qiamullail.
Such an eye-opener.
Have i done much to refrain from doing bad deeds all this while?
...................................................................................................
But yeah, despite of this failure, Allah is really Al-a'dl!
He opens my eyes, and heart( hope so) to realise all these!
It's a great tarbiyyah from Him, a priceless one!
Motivates me to do better in my investment for Akhira!
He has showed to me too, that I'd have to take small steps before taking up the larger one.
If I couldn't succeed with the simple ones, why bother with the complex one?
More importantly, I realise this at my young age of 20, where legally speaking I've received my prudence in thinking.So I hope this is not just something that crosses my mind.I'd have to make full use of this tarbiyyah.
Insya Allah!I want to be a better muslimah, in all aspects.And if He wills, I want to do better for the next Ramadhan,ameen
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