selected articles :)

They say I’m a dreamer….are you a dreamer too?

As someone who has just recently started blogging, I find that I often have to think about what to write next.This can often be a challenge, but the one thing that makes it easier is that I see opportunities in everyday events (phew!). For example, I was buying jeans at the Levi’s store the other day, and as I was standing at the till, I noticed that the young man helping me out had a very interesting tatoo on his arm. The tatoo was a sentence, written in dark in that read “they say I’m a dreamer….”
I looked up at him and asked, “so what do you dream about?” He gave me the biggest smile and said “well, anything and everything really. I think about all the things I want to do in my life. It makes me feel good.” I asked him about why he had the words written on his arm and he told me that these words from John Lennon have always inspired him. He told me that the words serve as a reminder for him to keep dreaming his dreams. He said that they were always with him, and so he felt pretty optimistic about the future.


I wonder if you have ever lost sight of a goal or dream. What did you really want to do once upon a time, that you haven’t thought about for a long time? I can tell you about a goal i’ve had that comes and goes in this way. It is something simple, and when I think about it, I really want to do it, and then some time goes by and it gets lost in all the life stuff. I’ve wanted to learn how to ride a bicycle for years! I’m just remembering this now as I write this….

You may have been working on a particular goal recently (such as losing weight, writing an article, or improving your exercise regimen). One may find that they are on track, and then suddenly something happens and everything goes topsy turvy. Those are the times when it can be difficult to get back to where you were. Having small reminders to help us along the way can serve a valuable purpose. You don’t have to go as far as placing a tatoo on your arm, but it is useful to have visual reminders so that you don’t have to think of doing something extra. Use a reminder that once placed, is an instant trigger that brings you towards your goal. Here are a couple of ideas:

Put up a poster or a picture that inspires you
Write post-it notes and put them up near your desk, on your fridge, on the bathroom mirror
Write a few words, or a statement that will motivate you to act.
Use the homescreen on your phone or your computer.

The type of reminders you use should be personal to you. If you try something and it doesn’t really “do anything” for you, then go ahead and try something different. Use a different picture or words until you get something that really feels right for the task you have at hand. Remember that building a new habit takes time so reminding yourself to stay on track can make all the difference! 

credit to :makelifehappen

blabbers on money

yes you read that.
I'm gonna blabber2 like there's no tomorrow about money for this post.
huaaaaaaaaaa sound so emotional lah kan?period ka?pfftt

Money money money oh money.
I'm a no employee nor anybody's breadwinner yet I sound like I'm earning some money for someone else kan?
haha.sah!memang emo tak bertempat aku ni.

But whether I'm yet to earn or not,I think life is fair enough to let me face this prob which I'm sure everyone else does too,especially to those who's having a family to take care of or to those who live in poverty (May Allah ease your burden and grant you strength to face the hardship).

Although I'm still studying and all I have to think of is to get good grades and in financial matters, I just have to focus on myself, but reality bites hokay!Ok, let's focus this blabber(errkk) on money.Let's see what (usually) a student in university or college does when money is in their hand,dayyum

1.Settle the tuition&hostel fees-excluding those whom are sponsored by their parents
2.Buy books and stationaries
3.Buy their own meals
4.Reload for prepaid!-excluding those who subscribe to any data plan,and usually this monthly bill is sponsored by parents too!
5.Shopping,hang out,movies blablabla

Ok this is the general expenditure that a University/College student has,although each point varies to certain degrees,according to their own pocket money and other factors like the cost living of the place they live in.

But however good your financial planning is, sometimes it puts your life on the brink,doesn't it?I had been in that situation, but err am not sure for how many times,haha.All I could say is it's pretty hard and unhappy.Moreover when you live in a city!woah the temptation is just so irresistable  for you to have fun whenever weekend arrives, and not to mention if you've had a hard time battling with the tough, stressful lectures and assignments-.-

So I think of all points, number 5 seems to give us headache the most,isn't it?haha.irony betul.Number 5 is supposed to let you loose yourself from the hustle and bustle of your daily life as a student, but the reality is ,sometimes it is not!haha *cryyyy*

Because more often than not, we have to admit that the prob that always comes our way when we want to berjoli is money,kan?

It hurts to know that that you have to control your nafsu when it's at its peak(erkk ayat kau) because of money.Moreover if you come from a family yang tak berapa senang or family that leads a moderate life.

As in my situation(so here's the real story lah sebenarnya hikhok), number 5 tu lah yang menyedeihkan ohohohoh :(

I'm planning to buy a digital camera, and the budget must not be(yeah, i've decided this affirmatively)  RM800.At the same time, I'm planning to buy an external hard disk.

For the digi cam, I personally think it is quite important,coz in my family, no oe owns a camera T_T.okla2 my eldest sis owns one, but that's hers, and for god's sake she has her own family now that she doesn't live with us.So takkan nak menyibuk kamera orang kot....

Plus, i love taking pictures.And, if i were to do that with my handphone, oh boy I just own a blackberry 9300,with only 2mp camera and no flash, to add up.Pathetic yessss I know that

As for the external hard disk, I think I need it too,for the sake of my laptop's longevity.It's only a netbook and I can't simply store everything from pictures(loads of them) and movies coz that would affect the performance of my netbook ; slow , easily hung :((

So to put it simply i need these two which will cost me roughly RM1000

So let's take a look at the money in hand emm

rm 50000-rm1165 of tuition and hostel fees= RM 3800++

So that would be the balance.

I know it suffices.And the budget I've provided to buy those gadgets is just I know (personally) rationale enough.

But the problem is I'm quite reluctant.huaaaaaaaa.

conclusion : It's a mixed feelings of spending on things that not only you've ever wanted but needed!dayyum.

kbye.enough babbling.

berubah,berhijrah

Minggu lepas adalah minggu yang agak istimewa bagi aku.
Istimewa bukan kerana ada sambutan khas untuk aku atau dapat hadiah ke.
Istimewa sebab aku rasa dekat dengan agama.

Minggu lepas aku uzur,tak solat.tapi alhamdulillah,aku isi masa aku dengan aktiviti yang berfaedah sebagai pengisian rohani.For the first time in my life, I listened to a video-recorded talk by Mufti Menk.
Sebelum ni pernah download talk by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf,tapi aku tak dengar pong.huhu.
Bila aku tak bukak video tu,aku rasa aku  ni belum ready untuk dengar lagi kot talk2 melalui youtube ni,or aku tak minat.

Tapi aku silap.Last week has changed everything.Alhamdulillah.Memang ini yang aku tunggu2 pun sebenarnya.Sebab?Aku memang dah lama nak diri aku ni lebih 'prone' kepada benda2 mcm ni bila surf internet.I don't want to make internet to be everything about entertainment,twitter,blog and etc.I want more than that.Yang boleh membina rohani dan intelektual aku.Barulah bermanfaat.

Jadi let's cut to the chase je lah k?
Sebenarnya,istimewanya minggu lepas adalah kerana apa yang aku lakukan minggu lepas dah buat aku percaya,yang manusia ni boleh berubah,dengan izin Allah.Tapi firstly,kenelah ada keinginan tu dulu,coz Hidayah tak datang bergolek.

Bila dah terfikir pasal nak berubah2 ni,aku pun rasa teruja.But of course I don't want to be hasty to make such a big 'U-turn'(u-turn kepada fitrah manusia).Sebab Allah sendiri pernah berfirman jangan terburu2 dalam melakukan sesuatu.

Dan benarlah,besar hikmahnya ayat Allah itu.Why?iman manusia ni cepat naik,cepat turun.Hati juga senang berbolak balik.
Bila kita diuji,tiba2 rasa dekat kepada agama tu boleh hilang sekejap je kan?Tambah2 lagi syaitan and nafsu dah standby awal2 nak jatuhkan kita.Astaghfirullahalazim...

Benda ni buat aku terfikir.Kenapa jadi macam ni?Kenapa Allah tak teguhkan hati aku supaya kukuh atas jalan ni....

Lama jugak baru aku dapat jawapannya.
Aku yakin 80% ini adalah sebahagian daripada jawapannya,InsyaAllah.

1.Aku tak istiqamah dalam menjauhkan diri daripada benda2 lagha.
Benda ni nampak kecil,tapi bila dah dibiasakan,hati akan jadi lemah,nafsu pun begitu

2.Aku terlupa agaknya,nak berubah,kena cari environment yang betul,guru atau pembimbing.Tapi aku kat mana?Kat rumah.Siapa je kat rumah ni yang nak ajak aku buat kebaikan,emm maksud aku nk mendekatkan diri kepada Allah?....

Untuk reason no. 2 tu,aku tak bermaksud kita tak boleh berubah langsung kalau kita tak berada di tempat yang betul.Cumanya,perubahan tu mungkin akan mengambil masa dan barangkali akan terbantut dan sukar.Meh bagi analogi lah senang; Kalau kita bawak kereta yang pancit tayarnya dan enjin pun tak berapa nak elok,agak2 sampai tak kita ke destinasi yang ingin dituju?Jawapannya,mungkin ya,mungkin tidak.Ada kebarangkalian sampai,tapi mungkin agak lambat dan penuh dengan kepayahan.Mungkin juga tak sampai!Sebab tayar betul2 pancit dan enjin betul2 mati di pertengahan jalan.

Konklusinya di sini,
Aku berazam dan berdoa agar Allah bagi peluang untuk aku berubah i.e panjangkanlah umurku,Aminnn
For that, Aku berdoa Allah permudahkan rezeki aku dalam bentuk kewangan dan lain2(kesihatan,kelapangan etc) so that aku boleh beli kereta sendiri satu masa nanti(dalam masa terdekat,after graduate ke) supaya aku boleh keluar dari rumah ni pergi majlis ilmu sendiri.Takyah la nak susahkan family aku,kan.Lgaipun tiada siapa dalam rumah ni yg berpotensi(setakat ni) yang aku tengok boleh ajar agama kat aku.Lepas tu, duit yang aku ada tu juga bolehla pergi mana2 seminar keagamaan ke dan pergi kelas2 agama.Boleh timba ilmu,insyaALLAH

Impian aku yang paling besar,InsyaALLAH, aku harap aku boleh keluar dari rumah ni (apa2 cara lah,ALLAH lebih tahu e.g kahwin, sambung belajar,bekerja etc) so that aku boleh cari environment yg lebih baik untuk aku berubah.Kemudian,aku nak preach to all my family members untuk berubah sekali ke arah yg lebih baik.Aminnnnnn


That's all for now.Toodles :)

ramadhan ends,i'dulfitri ensues

hye blog, sorry for the long hiatus.
Alhamdulillah, after a month of fasting, i'dulfitri has finally arrived.
But it's a no doubt that I've missed Ramadhan already..hmm
Fret not, let's enjoy our hari raya first, shall we? :)

This time. I'm gonna do a recount on my Ramadhan.
This is something really helpful I guess, for me to do some revision in the next Ramadhan, InsyaAllah.
So,let's start!

Before Ramadhan even started, I've made myself a list on what I want to achieve during that holy month.
It wasn't really long but yeah at least I wrote them down so as to not let them slip my mind.

Unfortunately, things did not go as planned.
I'd say, it's a waste of time for making the list.
I think I did not really achieve my goals.

What are they?
Some of them ; Qiamullail.
I really want to make the practice of Qiamullail a regular one, but I only did them 2-3 times maybe?
huh,what an achievement right?

I thought Ramadhan would ease our action of turning intention into action,but naaahhhh.
It's just the same.
The same restraints, minus one-Syaitan are still there : Nafs, lack of motivation, lack of knowledge and etc.

And one more of course : Lailatul Qadr.

But after it ends,all these make me think.
Why wouldn't Allah let me become one of the successful 'graduate' of Ramadhan?I mean I have the intention and I did even make a list for that!See how determined was I?

Oh how immature was I to think like that!
Although it's a holy month, it does not guarantee that you'll turn angelic or a god-conscious person.
If so, woahhh I think there's no need for us to do all the ibadah(s) in other months.pfftt!

Few days before last 10 nights approached, I read a blog of Ustaz Pahrol on Lailatul Qadr.
He wrote that Lailatul Qadr is a night, better yet than a 1000 months.So it means, it's a very special one.
Whoever gets to find the night (solat, dua' and etc) is a really lucky one.And that lucky person must be ( logically) someone who has prepared for that night for months, or even years!Preparing for that night
means that he has really changed into a better person.he observes his deeds well, and of course he has used to qiamullail long before Ramadhan.

He said further that, when a person found Lailatul Qadr, that night would turn him into a btter person that he is before( if Allah accepts his prayer)- well he has no authorities for this, but hey think logically,a very special person to find Lailatul Qadr kot!

Take a note with the word logically.
Why did I say so?
Coz Lailatul Qadr resembles a gift from Allah to his servants.
It comes 1 time per year and during when He locks up our enemy : Syaitan.
The night is very special.
So it deserves to be found by special people.A god-conscious people.right?
Except for those who is chosen by him to receive His Hidayah, then that's a different story after all-This is Magically, not so logically.hehs

So when i make a reflection of myself, I understand why.
I rarely get up for qiamullail,and it becomes more obvious  when i start doing my LLB(uh i dunno why, supposedly I'd have done that more often right?)
So now I'm hoping for that to happen on Ramadhan?shesshhhhh

Plus, I've heard an athar from Ibn Masu'd saying that ; Maksiat ( bad deeds) refrain you from getting up for Qiamullail.

Such an eye-opener.

Have i done much to refrain from doing bad deeds all this while?
...................................................................................................


But yeah, despite of this failure, Allah is really Al-a'dl!

He opens my eyes, and heart( hope so) to realise all these!
It's a great tarbiyyah from Him, a priceless one!
Motivates me to do better in my investment for Akhira!

He has showed to me too, that I'd have to take small steps before taking up the larger one.
If I couldn't succeed with the simple ones, why bother with the complex one?

More importantly, I realise this at my young age of 20, where legally speaking I've received my prudence in thinking.So I hope this is not just something that crosses my mind.I'd have to make full use of this tarbiyyah.
Insya Allah!I want to be a better muslimah, in all aspects.And if He wills, I want to do better for the next Ramadhan,ameen

it's ramadhan!

helo diary,it's ramadhan again!
Alhamdulillah Allah has granted me,family and friends another chance to enjoy this holiest month of all once again.Emm well in my case,it's for the 20th time already as according to my age,yippie..alhamdulillah,praise be to Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful

But unfortunately(well not really ehhe) I couldn't enjoy my first week of Ramdhan because of menstruation.
So yeah Technically I'm in the month of Ramadhan already but practically,I'm not doing much of anything relate dto Ramadhan,yet :D

It's ok,in another few days,I'd be enjoying like other muslims do,insyaAllah.
So dear diary,this is kinf of a beneficial article i'd like to share,food for my own soul.So let's check this out ;)

By : Yasmin Mogahed

We are going to talk about a very important topic; the month of Ramadan and how to really prepare ourselves for Ramadan in the context of training our nafs (inner self)...

On Heart & Spirituality - Keep Guard of Your Own Self - The Crucial Role of the Heart - The Partnership Between Body and Soul - Due Striving for Allah's Approval - Nurturing Spirituality

To begin the topic of training the nafsand the topic of how we should enter Ramadan, we have to really start from the beginning, and the beginning goes back to the essential question of what is our purpose?

What is our purpose of existence?

This is a question that has been asked by people, philosophers basically, from the beginning of time; Why are we here? What is our purpose? Why were we put in this world? And what we are intended to accomplish?

Essence of Worship

While this is an issue that has been discussed by many philosophers., Allah, exalted is He, has actually given us the answer to this question, a very clear answer. He tells us in the Quran:

{I created the jinn and humankind only that they might worship Me.} (Adh-Dhariyat 51; 5)

So Allah explains in this ayah that He has not created jinn and human beings except for one single purpose: to fulfill worship to Allah. So the reason why we exist, the reason why we were created is for this one singular purpose.

The construction of this ayah is important as you notice the ayah begins with a negation, it says that Allah doesn’t just say that He created mankind for this purpose. But rather Allah says that He has NOT created mankind for any other purpose. So you begin by negating any other purpose for which we were created. And then Allah, exalted is He, says this one single purpose.

worship means living every second of our life in this universe in such a way that our intent is in accordance with the intent of our creator

In order to understand this ayah we really have to be able to define the concept of ubudiyah ‘worshipping’. We have heard probably this ayah many times, but the question is what really is  the meaning of worshipping.

When Allah says that our purpose is worship, this worship can be defined as living our life in such a way; living in this universe and every second of our life in such a way that our intent is in accordance with the intent of our Creator. So what that means is that my focus is the same as what God wants it to be, my intent and my goals are as God wants them to be: there is an accordance between my intent and that of my Creator.

When I live my life so that internally and externally we have the same focus, and that’s my goal, which is the same as what God’s goal is for me, then that is worship.

When you really actualize worshipping, the consequence of that proper worshipping when I’m in line with my Creator is something extremely profound; and that is salam(peace). When I am in a state of worshipping God, the consequence is that I attain peace. And that peace begins inside of myself, and when I have that peace inside of myself, then I can actualize peace outside of myself.

If you look at one of the attributes of Allah it is Al-Salam: Allah is The Peace. And in a hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon him, one of his du’a he would say, ‘Allah You are the source of peace and from You comes peace”

In Search of Inner Peace

Now if you think about this concept of God being the source of peace, what that means is that there is no other way to get peace except by seeking this source. Allah tells us in the Qur’an:

{And Allah summons to the abode of peace, and leads whom He will to a straight path.} (Yunus 10: 25)

Allah tells us that He is calling us to the home of Salam (peace). If you think for a second about this metaphor. Imagine that someone is in the middle of a desert and they are desperate for water and there is only one source of water in that desert. Now think about what would happen if you are far away from that source of water. If you are far from that source of water, are you ever going to quench your thirst? And if you far from that source of water, are you ever going to be able to give water to others?

if we are not near God Who is the source of peace we can never ever attain peace

The only way you can quench that thirst is by being near to that source. So by being nearer than I am to that source of water, the more that I can quench my thirst, and the more that I can give to others. But if we are not close to the source of water we can never quench our thirst.

Similarly, if we are not near God, who is the source of peace, we can never ever attain peace. And the nearer I am to that source, the more I will have of it. So the nearer I am to the source of water the more water I will have, and the nearer I am to the source of peace the more peace that I will have.

And again it’s important to understand obviously in this life this is not a physical nearness. Rather, this is a nearness of our heart, of our soul to Allah, exalted is He... And that heart, not the physical organ, is the part of the human being that connects to God in this life before the next life. In order to attain this nearness to the source of water; to the source of peace, there are two things which we must do; there are two requirements in order to attain nearness to this source of peace. And Allah (SWT) tells us about those in the following ayah:

{He it is Who has sent among the unlettered ones a messenger of their own, to recite unto them His revelations and to make them grow, and to teach them the Scripture and wisdom, though heretofore they were indeed in error manifest.} (Al-Jumu’ah 62: 2)

God is saying here that it is He who has sent among the unlettered an apostle from among themselves, the Prophet, peace be upon him, for a certain purpose; to rehearse on them His signs, and in order to purify them and to instruct them in scripture and in manifest wisdom.

If you notice here there are two components mentioned in this ayah. The first is knowledge. Allah (SWT) says that He sent the messenger in order to give then knowledge and in order to purify them, and that before that they were in manifest error. And so the two components in order to be able to attain the peace of Allah (SWT) are knowledge and purification, purification of the inner self.

So if we are going to begin to undertake this journey to the source of peace, we have to undergo this process of tazkiyah, the purification of the soul...

(Cont..)

The two components in order to attain the peace of Allah is knowledge and purification; purification of the inner self.

So if we are to begin to undertake this journey to the nearness to the source of peace, God, we have to undergo the process of tazkiyah(purification).

Purify Your Heart - Pray and Guard Yourself from Satan - Stay Afloat in the Ocean of Life - Returning to The Quran - How to Gain Taqwa (God Consciousness)? - Ramadan, the Qur’an, and Us

Even if we look at the word Shari’ah, it literally means a path to the source of water. So God is giving us Shari’ah in order to reach that source of water and that source of peace. If we follow that path of Allah, that’s the only way we are going to achieve the true source of peace.

This brings us to the idea of what does all of this have to do with fasting? What has all of this have to do with Ramadan? Allah gives us Ramadan in order to aid us in this process. The way in which this happens is that we know that we have basically two things or entities that prevent us from seeking Allah.

There two blocks keep us from being good, from seeking that path to the source of peace. The first is Satan, which we know is our external enemy, and he is the source of this outer whispering that happens in our mind and in our heart. The second block is the nafs, self.

Nafs is the inner inclinations. That’s my own self, my inner inclination to do that. All of us want to seek God, but we are human beings and we have inner ailments. Sometimes we get angry, sometimes we feel hatred, selfishness, arrogance, prejudice, and fear. These are all inner ailments which prevent me from attaining that peace by being near to the source of peace, God.

And so in order to seek and reach that source of peace, I have to clean myself of those inner ailments. That is the process of tazkiyah (purification) of the nafs. That’s the process of training and purifying the self. The Prophet, peace be upon him, said:

“When Ramadan begins, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of Hell are closed, and the devils are chained.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)

Ramadan is a time when I have to face my nafs, because it’s just me and my nafs. Satan is not involved anymore

So this makes us kind of stop and reflect. A lot of times we hear this hadith and we think, well ok we are going to go into Ramadan, then we will become angels as now Satan is chained up and we are able to be angels. But we find that still we are not angels. Ramadan comes and we still are making mistakes, we are still sinning, we are still falling into error. So the question is why? Why is it that we continue to do that?

If you think about when you were in school, doing an experiment and trying to nearer down the cause to something; in order to nearer down the cause to a particular event you have to eliminate other possible causes in order to see if it affects the event.

In this case, when Ramadan comes, God is removing the other factor, which is Satan. So anything that I do in Ramadan I now know it’s not from Satan. I can’t blame Satan because now Satan is chained up. Now I can only blame my own nafs. So Ramadan is a time when we really learn about the nafs. Ramadan is a time when I have to face my nafs, because it’s just me and my nafs. Satan is not involved anymore. So Ramadan is the time when I encounter my own self, and if I do wrong there’s no one else to blame.

True Freedom

This brings us to something I want we take away from this talk, which is true freedom. We live in a society where they teach you that freedom is freedom of the self. But this is actually absolutely untrue. It's the opposite. True freedom is freedom from the self, not freedom of the self.

Write this down:

To be truly liberated is to be free from the chains of my own self. That is true freedom.

And freedom of the self is actually the opposite, because when my nafs is free, and my nafs is in control of me, then I am actually a slave. I’m not free at all. So when people say things like follow your heart they really mean follow your nafs. The reason for that is that sometimes when the nafs becomes so strong, it takes over the heart. And now the nafs is in charge, it is in control. And so when you become enslaved to your nafs, that’s not freedom. That’s actually slavery. And indulging the self does something else; it disengages you from the freedom of exalting in more knowledge and more nearness to God.

Now, what is all that still have to do with fasting?

I want you to think for a second: if we are so busy in loving to eat, for example, and that is what we do most of the time, what happens when our focus is on the physical pleasure, which includes the physical appetite basically?

When my focus is on the physical appetite of feeding my physical body then that means my focus is not on the spiritual aspect; the heart and the soul. All I’m thinking about is what am I going to eat, what am I going to drink, and what am I going to cook. So what I do is I’m seeking comfort in food.

At some point a lot of us can relate to this; when we are really feeling stressed out and really sad we go to food, we seek comfort in food, like stereotyped chocolate, ice-cream. A lot of women know that. But the idea here is that there’s some truth to this concept that we do seek to gain some sort of pleasure through food, physical pleasure giving in to the physical needs of the body.

Why Fast?

by fasting what we realize is that we can find happiness in something other than the physical world

When we take away the focus from the physical need, now your focus is free - free to be directed to the spiritual need, towards the need of the heart and of the soul. And by fasting what we realize is that we can find happiness in something other than the physical world. That is extremely profound, that I can find pleasure and fulfillment in something other than the physical material world. By leaving food and drink and intimate relations, I’m finding that there’s another whole world when I can find truer, deeper and realer fulfillment and happiness that has nothing to do with the physical needs or the physical pleasure.

The other aspect is that when I disengage from focusing on food, or in general the physical appetite or the physical pleasure, now I’m able to engage intellectually with God. Now I can focus on the deeper source of truth in my life. If my whole focus is having fun and indulging in all these different types of entertainment then when am I really going to be engaged intellectually?

So what fasting does is it liberates me from my addictions. Fasting is intended to liberate us, as Allah disengages us from our addiction to food and drink so that we can realize that life is beyond the physical needs, and that there’s joy and pleasure and happiness that is not physical and is not material. So I don’t think that the physical nourishment is the means to pleasure and happiness.

And you will notice the same with salah (prayer), when five times a day I have to interrupt what I’m doing which is usually mundane or limited or material, and I have to interrupt that in order that I don’t become dependent or addicted to that thing.

By interrupting whatever it is I’m doing in my life throughout the day and going to pray, I’m cutting myself off from it, and by doing that I’m preventing myself from becoming addicted, dependent or a prisoner to what it is that I need to do daily. So obviously I have to go to work, interact with people, and I have to do things of the worldly life (dunya). Obviously we live in this world and we must live in it, but the question is how to live in the dunya without becoming addicted, attached, and a prisoner to it.

Allah exactly gives us the prescription to be able to live in the dunya without being drowned by it, without being addicted to it, without being a prisoner to it. And in case of salah, by breaking away five times a day I’m disengaging from the dunya in a way that I can refocus on what is eternal...

(Cont..)

When we focus on what is eternal, the inner self (nafs) doesn’t get used to being in a state of focus on material things, the mundane and the worldly things.

If you think about a situation when you never took a break, you were just involved in your life, you are in your job or dealing with people, or whatever it is you are doing, and you never take a break to just stop and look inward. What happens if you do that?

Increasing in Spirituality - Stay Afloat in the Ocean of Life - Human Weakness and Perfection - The Partnership Between Body and Soul - Contemporary Muslims Are in Need of Spirituality - Controlling Our Inner Self for True Freedom

What happens is that my whole world is going to become about what is happening outside my self. That starts to define my whole world. So whatever is happening in my life outside of me defines me. And so what ends up happening then is that I go up and down with the ups and downs in my environment.

Anyone who’s lived in this life for longer than three minutes realizes that life is nothing but ups and downs, nothing but change and inconstancy. So, if I am all about what is happening outside of myself in life, it's external, then what will happen is that internally I will never have peace, constancy, stillness because all of my focus is on what is happening outside of myself, in the mundane, in my dunya (worldly life). But if I stop five times a day, following the prescription God is giving us, then what I am doing, when I break away five times a day -praying properly with focus of heart and mind, then what I'm doing is that I'm pulling myself away from the focus external, and refocusing internal.

Then I am looking at the things that are not seen; the things which I wouldn’t otherwise notice if I didn’t stop to take that break. So Allah (SWT) gives us, out of His mercy, this prescription for how to be successful while still living in the dunya, but not letting the nafs take over, not letting the dunya take over.

What Fasting Really Stands For

It’s kind of like I am starving my body but feeding my soul when I fast.

In the case of siyam (fasting) I’m disconnecting from the physical world. Hunger is a physical need, and eating is a physical satiation. So what I do is I cut off the physical satiation, and instead I fill myself with what is spiritual. I'm feeding my soul. It’s kind of like I am starving my body but feeding my soul when I fast.

This is how God put us in this world, but He didn’t leave us. God, exalted is He, gave us exactly the prescription of how to be successful in this life. And fasting is a huge part of that. When I don’t break away from the physical needs of dunya, what ends up happening internally is that my heart starts to die, because all of my attachments are material; because all my attachments are to the dunya which is constantly changing and fading way. And so my heart starts to die and I start to develop more inner illness, more diseases in my heart.

Siyam is an opportunity to liberate myself from these attachments, and, therefore, the addiction to what is not lasting, to what is not ultimate. If you look at the society that we live in, all of the focus is on the physical being. All of the focus is on physical pleasure and material things, things that I can feel and touch. But here is the thing: no one can argue that I am not just a physical being, right?

There’s more to me than just my physical self. And the reason why I know that is because, for example, we feel pain and it may have nothing to do with our body. Our body may be completely well, and there is nothing hurting it, yet we still feel pain. What is it that’s feeling that pain?

It is something other than the physical being. There’s another non-physical part of me. I also feel joy, and again it’s not something I feel in my physical body. So how can you possibly follow a philosophy of life that’s just about the physical- eating, sleeping, drinking and being married in the physical sense?! This is denying a very important component of my being, which is the non-physical component.

Then the question is how do I feed that non-physical component? How do I feed my soul?

Guess what: chances are you are not going to see that on commercials on TV. The commercials on TV don’t talk about feeding your soul, about being more honest, more sincere or connecting to God. They are just about the physical world, as I was just a physical creature.

When Ramadan comes fasting liberates me from all of that. I begin to know that there really is life beyond the physical realm, and there is joy beyond material joy. One of the consequences of this is that I start to feel more kindness and compassion towards the people who don’t have what I have. So when I'm fasting, I am voluntarily keeping myself from food and water and any other kind of drink. But there are people who involuntarily have to keep themselves from food and drink, and that’s because they don’t have the means to buy food and drink. So by doing this, I’m also able to feel more compassion towards the poor and towards those who don’t have a home to come back to for Iftar, and these large large extravagant dinners that we have to break our fast, which really misses the point of what Ramadan and what Siyam is really supposed to do.

When Doing The Opposite

there’s a deeper joy, a deeper and realer fulfillment than just eating, sleeping and drinking.

There is statistics that shows that in fact people spend more money in Ramadan on food and deserts than they do outside of Ramadan. So Ramadan came in order to take the focus off food, and put the focus on the non physical world. A lot of us Muslims we do the opposite. We put more focus on eating. We just can’t wait forIftar to do it.

So we find that there’s such an emphasis on this idea of having extravagant Iftars, and on what we are going to eat. We put so much money into having very fancy food and deserts. But this again completely misses the point. The whole point of Ramadan is not just for us to be hungry and thirsty. The whole point of siyam is to show thenafs, the individual that there’s more to life than the physical world. There’s more to life than the material pleasure and joy, that there’s a deeper joy, a deeper and realer fulfillment than just eating, sleeping and drinking.

So we have to have the correct focus on why it is that Allah (SWT) told us to fast. When Allah talks about fasting in the Quran, He gives a reason why fasting was prescribed. And so when we fast all day and indulge in food at the end of the day, now we feel drowsy and our mind is almost asleep. When we go to the Salah (prayer) after the fast we feel almost unable to focus on Salah. We feel as if the mind is sluggish. What we’ve done now is that because we’ve eaten so much our minds become clouded and extremely tired.

If we look at the Sunnah of the Prophet, peace be upon him, he used to break his fast with dates and water and then go to Salah; to just break his fast on something small, pray Maghreb and then come back and eat. But what filling the stomach does is it nums the mind. And that's one of the reasons why when someone is feeling depressed, down or anxious they do seek food, because, Subhan Allah, there’s something about food that when you go to food and you feed yourself there’s a sort of numness that happens. It’s a sort of anesthesia. This is something that food can do when you over-indulge in it. So keeping in mind that the focus of Ramadan is not what we are going to eat for Iftar, not how many different dishes we are going to serve or eat.

The focus is exactly the opposite...

(Cont..)

Now, what does God say about fasting in the Qur’an?

God’s Mercy & Ramadan - Ramadan: Lessons for All Time - God’s Unchanging Words of Mercy - Reflections on the Branches of Faith - 10 Days of Mercy - God’s Name Al-Mujeeb (The Answerer of Prayers)

{O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that ye may (learn) self-restraint.} (Al-Baqarah 2; 183)

So the purpose of fasting for me is to attain taqwa.

So what is taqwa?

Taqwa drives from the Arabic word ‘waqa’, ‘waqi’, which literally means to protect or to shield. It also comes from the word ‘itaqa’ which means to protect oneself. So, taqwa is a noun derived from this meaning and what it means is to shield or protect oneself.

The question is what are we shielding or protecting ourselves from through fasting?

Through fasting we are protecting ourselves from a lot of things. First and foremost, we are protecting ourselves from the displeasure and the Wrath of God; we are protecting ourselves from the distance of Allah. We also are protecting ourselves from excessively indulging of the nafs (inner self), and we are protecting ourselves from Satan.

A Shield of Mercy

Through fasting I’m building my spiritual and moral strength in order to be able to take on my nafs

So fasting is almost like a shield, an invisible shield surrounding me. When I’m fasting, now I’m focusing on the spiritual. Now the focus is on you; the spiritual and moral energies instead of your physical energies. As a result of that, now I’m building my spiritual and moral strength in order to be able to take on my nafs, in order to be able to oppose and train my nafs. So, to summarize, by fasting and by shielding myself from the displeasure of God and from what the nafs wants, that physical association which includes food, I’m strengthening my spiritual and moral strength.

You can have a heavy weight champion but this person is unable to fight their ownnafs. So they have all physical strength but they have no inner strength. What fasting does is using moral and spiritual strength so that you’ll have the ability to fight your nafs. It makes your path to doing good easier for you. You may have experienced this, when you are fasting you feel it’s easier to do more worship, be more strict in your prayer, easier to read more Quran, to go the masjid. When you are fasting you are starving your body, and you are feeding your soul. You disengage your focus from the physical world in order to engage your focus on the inner spiritual one.

The other aspect about Ramadan, which is extremely important, is that Ramadan is about mercy. Allah’s mercy always encompasses everything. He says: {and My mercy embraces all things,} (Al-‘A’raf 7; 156) Yet there are certain times that God is nearer to us than in other times. One of those times is in sajdah (prostration). Insajdah we are closer to Allah. Similarly, when we are near to the Ka`bah, God has made that we get closer to Him in that physical state. God has also done that with Ramadan.

During Ramadan the entire universe is closer to the Mercy of God, exalted is He. This is a gesture from God in order to bring us back to Him, in order for us to take advantage of His mercy and to really change ourselves; to really go through Ramadan and come out changed. We do not need Ramadan to be just about fasting, or to be only about hunger or thirst. Though to realize the purpose of fasting; the very purpose that I have to stop worrying about my physical needs, and worry, instead, about the spiritual needs of my heart, of my soul, this is number one need.

There’s only one thing that feeds the heart and that is God. There’s nothing else that is going to feed your heart. So where I am able to empty out all the other focus, now I can focus on what really is going to feed me. This is what fasting and Ramadan is all about. So we have to make sure that we do not let Ramadan and fasting just be about leaving food and drink, about just being hungry and thirsty, and that we see the inner purpose of Ramadan, and go through Ramadan and come out different.

Ramadan is a purifier of our nafs, because in Ramadan you will encounter your nafs, because in Ramadan the satans are chained; it is just you and your own self. During Ramadan this mercy is optimized, there’s a change in the universe when this mercy is so close to us. Allah (SWT) is the owner of mercy. The Prophet, peace be upon him, tells us: "Ramadan is a month whose beginning is Mercy, whose middle is Forgiveness and whose end is freedom from the fire."

So God gives us this month in order to lift us up and in order to bring us back to His forgiveness and to liberate us from Jahannam (the Hell Fire).

Begin Now

make this Ramadan about inner transformation, about inner purification, about building my connection with God

So as the Prophet said: "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended." (Al-Bukhari). Our deep intention now should be not to make this Ramadan just about being hungry and thirsty, and, instead, make this Ramadan about inner transformation, about inner purification, about building my connection with God and seeking His mercy, because God’s mercy is so close to us in Ramadan.

The Prophet tells us: "Whoever established prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven."

So you and I have the opportunity to have our sins forgiven. Imagine that?

We have the opportunity, but what we really need to do is to realize why we are fasting, going to Ramadan with the proper focus and the proper intention and ask Allah (SWT) to make it easy on us and to allow us to come out of Ramadan completely purified and changed.

We really need to know the fact that after Ramadan is over you are still changed. See if we are going to Ramadan and if we change things about ourselves and as soon as Ramadan is over we go back to the way we were before, then we really haven’t changed. Ramadan then didn’t fulfill its purpose, which is to purify, change and elevate us. That change has to be lasting. So what we want to do is to take Ramadan as a fuel to bring us back to God. So let’s take the intention to continue our good habits even after Ramadan is over. We hope In-Shaa Allah that Ramadan allows us to rise above ourselves and our nafs. This is the only path to peace.

Another practical tip that is really going to help us be able to fulfill the purpose of Ramadan is qiyam, the Salah that is right before fajr (dawn). When we talked earlier about the nearness to God, one of these times is this time of qiyam. Allah tells us that during this time He descends to the nearest heaven, in the time just before fajr, and He asks us who is calling on Me to answer their call, who is seeking my forgiveness so I can forgive them.

So if we really want to benefit from Ramadan, we should be very careful not to lose this opportunity at this blessed time asking God for His forgiveness, making tawbah(repentence) and making du’a. This is the very time to make du’a and to connect to God, exalted is He.

well,before I end here ,here's my fav pick for this holiest month :)

MAY ALLAH BLESS,AMEEN 

emm

hello blog.sorry coz this time around,i'm gonna name the title emm,a very vague one, simply cuz i dunno what to entitle this post.T_T

truth is i have a lot to say this time.But I think it's not proper to mix this post up.let's go just by one thing at one time first,shall we?

so emm lately i've been thinking a lot about myself, particularly about my future.
I'm not sure if I take things seriously to the extent that it's too much or I'm doing it in a moderate way.
Thinking about your future is significant,really.Yeah,there are some lucky heads out there that don't really do that but they still come out as a successful human being, happy and what else?-.- unfair enough?hmm.

Ok let's cut to the chase.
When talking about future,it is closely associated what you're doing in the future.
For some people who really make most of their present for their future life,yes.
They have known what they want and for that,they have prepared everything in their present.

So the thing is,I'm not sure what I really want in the future.
Truth be told, I'd really love to be a solicitor one day or maybe a prosecutor(errr).
But I find myself just not up to the standard of becoming either one!
People may say "Alaaa you can do it,just trust yourself.." Ive always heard that that I feel like punching them in their face.How could they say that when they barely know about my results and my ability blablabla?
Sometimes I hate the fact that people always think I'm a great kind of person because of who was I in the past-A head girl in my school.

How could my past say a lot about my future and present?weirdddd!

Don't they notice how much have I changed since then?I mean at least just right after I pursue my degree.grrr..

I'm not upset for what they think about me.Maybe they do so as a way to motivate me-Don't lose hope blabla..

But it's kind of hurt when they say so while you know it's not really gonna happen.
;(

Thinking positively is the key to live and keep up with all the pressures and problems life has given to you.
But at the same time,you gotta face the reality.Things would never sound easy peasy lemon squeezy for all the time.They knock you down too at times.I'm being real okayy.

I don't want to take things easily coz it's about my future.Besides that,I'm an adult soon.I have to start carrying responsibility of living life on my own soon.So this is really a big deal for me,no joke.


So if I'm never gonna be a solicitor one day,what am I gonna do then? :(
Those laws knowledges I've gained are way too precious for me,so it's a sad thing to let them go for other jobs,unless I'd do that after years of being part of the legal fraternity.

My aim is (part of them) : To be as successful as I see myself years ago.
                                        To not feel inferior with who I am and what I do.


Ok.i've lost words to say.byee

Family:problem?

It never crossed my mind at all that I'd be tested with such a problem with my family.
No it's not an external problems where you have always caught in dramas or movies such as a big fight between parents and children,teenagers fleeing from house and whatnot.

This is about internal conflicts.Between my siblings and my mom.

My mom has been a stern and keeping the habit of nagging to her children for years.
She even did that to my late daddy.Nagging has becAme part of herself.
It's not always a constructive-type of nagging,but it's a stressful ones.Moreover,most of us have turned into adults already,except me,where I'm still a 20 y/o girl,but ahh only a year to legalise me as an adult according to the Law of Malaysia.Ok2 the point is,all of us are grown ups.We become stress more easily and we certainly abhor to be treated like a child,toddler,kids and anything pertaining to that.

Instead,Grown ups like us prefer to sit down,and talk heart-to-heart.Make a discussion!And of course,allow everybody to express their opinion.

But I'm sure in Malay culture,we hardly find any Malay family to do that,huh?
or maybe all family,regardless of any race included?pfftt.

ok,seriously,I do not know any regular or effective custom of how to talk and sit as a family because all I know is the children have to bear with their parent's behaviour,furthermore when they have gotten old,above 50 y/o to be precise.

But in my case,it is rather special and harder to handle.I'm confused,seriously.Coz I have this one friend of mine,whose mother is of the same age with mine and whose father is way way wayyyy older than my mom,and my dad too if he's still alive!But,I don't see any problems between their family.She's very close to her mom ok!well,she's not so close w her father but from what I heard,they are okay together.Maybe there still are some little problems but I'm sure it's not a complex one like mine.

Back to my family,I know the older we get,the stranger the feeling we have towards our family members.Moreover if we have been apart for quite frequently i.e our sis or bro used to enter into boarding school,university lalala...We somehow lose the touch and knowing each other better.Or on a more serious part,we don't find family as our first resource to turn to when we have problems or share our happiness.Instead,we find our friends or anyone besides the family to do that.How sad is that huh?

Currently,I live with my sister,2nd elder bro n mom.My eldest sis is staying at Sabah w her hubby and baby,while my eldest bro is still abroad,studying engineering.

My 2nd sis that I'm living w now is in the process of divorce w her husband.I pity her a lot coz her hubby had been hitting her and she's a second wife to him.She''s now living w us and she's working as a teacher but she doesn't earn much.She has to pay for some of the house bills,legal fees and for her car etc.

I had a big fight w her previously.We didn't talk for weeks,but yeah finally we were ok.But one thing I realise is that after that fight,we could no longer enjoy this heart-to-heart conversation as sis.I'm scared if I hurt her feelings again,coz if it happens again,I just don't know how long it'd take for us to be good back.In other words,after that big fight,we have this INTERNAL GAP that I don't know whether could be fixed or not.

That's my sis.Now,my mom.

In my childhood years and early teenage years,I was quite an obedient child,meaning to say I'd get scared if my mom scold me and had always listened to her.Then,when I turned 16-17 like that,I became bolder to go against her words.I had always fought back whenever she scold me.That went on until I was 18,I guess.Then,I successfully changed.After Raya Haji last year I guess.I could control myself better now.I rarely fought back.But,I still make faces when she scold me.But it's my nature,I can't control them..

The thing w my mother is,She is used to nagging.It has became more obvious after she had her menopause.She doesn't have the shame of scolding us in front of our relatives,and she's being very sensitive about typical and small things like 'salam';She gets so furious if we don't make 'salam' w our relatives.and the list goes on...

It's kind of sickening,really to cope with her behaviour.It's very2 hard.Even my aunties and uncles notice about her behaviour.It's kind of touch my heart when they understand.Some expressly did so,but most of them impliedly do so.I could see from their facial expression that they are not happy or comfortable w my mom's behaviour.


I wish I could just tell them SORRY but I'm sure they understand better.Coz,this is just out of my control.


This does not happen to me alone.All my siblings receive the same treatment.We do not know what else to do.I think this is also one of the reasons why I can't be close to my other siblings as well.I rarely talk to my siblings,frankly.I keep things within myself.I handle pressure,hardship alone.why?Coz I just don't know who to turn to.We have never been taught to console and comfort each other,which should have been done by our own mother.But she never did so nor showed us how.I can't blame my sisters or brothers coz we come from the same mother.hmm

I'm sorry if I kind of blame my mom alone.Sorry Ya Allah.But,personally to heal this problem of internal conflicts between my family,we need a leader to do so.Obviously,the leader should be my mom,coz everything must go to her first.She decides everything.But tell me now,how is that possible if she keeps up w that kind of behaviour?Impossible right..Even if we were to ask her to change,it's very hard.She's getting older and could impossibly change what she is now...

How I wish I could turn back time and make my mom realise this so that she could change her behaviour and keep up with a better one when she gets old.But it's too late now..

I realise too this problem might also be due to our sinful acts.Maybe Allah is giving us tarbiyah through this test.For now,I could just ask forgiveness from HIM on my part and pray that He shall open the hearts of my family members to repent together for any sinful acts that we have committed all this while.I hope HE listens to my prayer and put this problem to its end,soon.

I love my family,I want to feel that feeling back;the feeling where MY FAMILY IS MY NUMBER 1 FOR ME,MY FAMILY IS EVERYTHING TO ME AND MY FAMILY IS MY DUNYA AND AKHIRAH TO ME.I want that feeling back please Ya Allah....

If You wouldn't change the situation,please change the way I react and respond towards them;in a more positive way.Make me stronger and wiser to handle this Ya Allah...

I hope in the future,you'd grant a good husband and good kids for me,if time permits.And more importantly,let me make my mom's behaviour as a great lesson to me in order to become a better wife and mom soon..amin


FORGIVE ME AND MY FAMILY MEMBERS YA ALLAH.....:(


AMINYARABBALALAMIN...